Lovely’s Story

Just Another Junkie on the Street was a poem I wrote after completing inpatient treatment for the 2nd time. My family had done an intervention and taken custody of my two youngest and my oldest was living with a biological father that had not been around for 14 years… Those ‘anonymous’ programs were right; I lost my children, home, job, and self respect. I had broken my own vow to myself: I was the person I judged and committed to being better than.

How did I get there? Something went astray, because at an early age I, diligently, worked towards ‘saving’ the children. All my people that knew me witnessed an intelligent, hard working, and bright young star coming into their own. Teachers, counselors, city council, and peers chose me to participate as a leader, helper, and excelled in extracurricular activities, everywhere. A definitive plan in place, I did not stray from the path to success by staying goal-oriented.

After high school , my success deteriorated into my demise I started drinking and using drugs socially, and by the time I was 22, I admitted that I had a problem and asked for help by enrolling in an outpatient treatment program for women with children, I now had a child. For the next 25 years I fought for the one’s I loved and crawled my way out of addiction, climbing the ladder of success only to find myself repeating this pattern multiple times. With 3 inpatient treatment facilities, 5 outpatient programs, 15 years of clean time, and failure upon failure, I felt defeated, overwhelmed, confused, and hopeful; a tiny glimmer of hope burned like a dying ember in my soul.

The statistics of people that overcome addiction and learn to live were incredibly low. Even the counselors and doctors knew that the odds were against everyone. After having 8 years and a relapse feeling hopeless is when I started reading about how psychedelics were being used in research studies to treat some mental health participants that were treatment resistant and continued recovery. There was science-based research that hit the internet and I was determined to find my own solution. Intently reading all that I could ; the ember of hope began to burn. Now I am healing through this medicine journey, a little more each day. There was a lot of negative feedback against using another ‘drug’ as a way to gain a higher quality of life. The difference is, today, I am not running away from my problems or society, I face lifes difficulties and I am accountable to all. Mother Nature’s gift helps me to remember value and truth, to love. I remember what it feels like to have hope in myself and humankind.